Spouses going through a divorce often have intense feelings about one another and their marriage. Frequently, their emotional reactions to the divorce can trigger inappropriate conduct. Spouses may become volatile and aggressive. They may hide or destroy property.
In scenarios involving children, the kids often end up stuck between their parents when they divorce. Such circumstances can be very damaging for the children in the family. Ideally, parents can set aside their emotions to work cooperatively for their children. Unfortunately, sometimes one parent struggles to prioritize the children.
What can those concerned about their children do while dealing with high levels of conflict during a divorce?
1. Set appropriate boundaries
Particularly in scenarios where parents have not yet begun living separately or where custody exchanges occur frequently, boundaries for interactions are of the utmost importance. Agreeing to focus solely on the children when interacting with one another and to avoid discussing personal matters in front of the children can go a long way toward keeping things peaceful even in a high-conflict divorce scenario.
2. Maintain sufficient documentation
Ideally, parents eventually find ways to cooperate with one another as they adapt to co-parenting after they separate. However, the risk is still there for one parent to engage in abusive conduct toward the other. Maintaining records of conduct ranging from threats and violence during interactions to behavior that borders on stalking can help parents protect their children. Keeping communication in written form, possibly by using a parenting app, can help provide authoritative records of inappropriate communications. Writing a diary that records details about in-person interactions that become volatile could also help prove a pattern of behavior that could influence how a judge allocates parental rights and responsibilities.
3. Prioritize the children in all decisions
Particularly when dealing with a volatile or aggressive spouse, it is easy to focus on personal emotional reactions to misconduct rather than the needs of children. Parents generally need to try to keep the focus on their children, especially when making decisions about the children, negotiating scheduling matters and communicating with the other parent. Parents should try to help the children maintain positive relationships with the entire family while prioritizing predictability and stability in day-to-day life. Counseling, peer support groups and creative outlets can all be critical for helping children deal with a high-stress divorce scenario.
People anticipating shared custody despite high levels of conflict as they prepare for divorce often need help setting appropriate priorities and learning about the law, and that’s okay. Parents who center their children and their own safety in high-conflict divorces can avoid many of the common pitfalls associated with this kind of transition.